Sitting in health class. Woke up a bit nervous BC of diffeq exam. Last exam I sorta screwed up. I know one of my friends sat next to me first test so he did well, then sat next typo my friend who did well on the second exam and so he did really well honestly I’m a bit upset.
This is one day I could sure use a hug from you. Except I don’t know you or I dont’ know who you are yet.. so I guess thats impossible. I feel like i’m a plastic rubber band being stretched quite thin. I am scared of flunking engineering school. In every class, we only have 2 or 3 exams, I seem to do okay on 2/3 or 1/2 but then the one I just tank, and that kills my grade by a lot. Like tank as in way below average which really screws me over. And those tanked exams are usually the result of me panicking because I think I don’t’ know something or don’t’ know anything and of course I tank it. I brought it unto my self. I’m scared I’m going to get Cs in all of my classes. I really am. But then of course, someone posts this on fb. To remind me to keep calm and carry on :
Out of my distress I called on the LORD; the LORD answered me and set me free. The LORD is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me? The LORD is on my side as my helper.
Do not fear. Fearing and living out of fear of failure ahve been an issue with me. I found myself panicing once again in fear of failing fluids. I found myself fearing of failure to finish a final report due for an extra curricular group because none of my other team mates are really serious about this competition or at least they don’t put that much effort into it. But suddenly, theres a calm surrender. I do what I can, and
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God. And the peace of god which transcends all understanding will guard you hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Heres to the last 2 weeks- hell week of my sophomore year. Almost done with school completely.
In talking with someone today, I’ve realized something. Ive always bad mouthing about her because all she does is complain to me about school work, and because I feel like she always trying to prove herself to me because she thinks I’m super smart. So then growing up in an asian self esteem, she always feels bad. I wasn’t too happy the last time she stayed at our house because she kinda just self invited herself rudely. But anyways, I’ve put up with her. What ive said that doesn’t bother me sometimes does. But she none the less sat here listening to me talk about stupid stuff for like two hours today. IT made me realize that she is a really good listener and that sometimes I am disappointed in her but its probably because she doesn’t know better. This is what I’m talking about showing love.
I’m trying to find joy in God. I really am. But when things don’t go my way, I get really frusterated and anxious. I’m praying hard. I really am. I’m praying for you and wondering what in the world you are doing on this beautiful and gorgeous day.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God. And the peace of god which transcends all understanding will guard you hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. “
I’m trying to eternalize this. Society does not make that easy. IT really doesnt.
On my tablet typing to thou at 8 in the morning. I’m praying for a good day today . trusting in god to do his will. Not gonna worry but I’m gonna do my best. I’m praying for you as you finish off your school year wherever you are right now.stay strong until the end. I know you can do it.
Its been a rough morning. I’ll be honest. I thought I completely failed the Fluids exam, but I managed to get about average. However, because apparently he entered in my grade wrong the last test, or calculated it wrong or something, I am in danger of failing the class apparently. I like burst into tears in his office. Thats a bit embarrassing. Never have I ever been so humiliated by a professor telling me I’m in danger of failing. Is it pride ? Is it teaching me to be humble ? Or is it me not trusting God enough. Now I have all these negative thoughts streaming in my head
In the midst of my cracking down for studying, I agreed to do a music video for my friend. Her one year anniversary with her boyfriend is coming up, and she wants to record this song:
I think its really sweet. Maybe you’ll whats the word … Ugh….. UHM….. lull me ? I forget what its called. It’ll come back to me one day haha. But yeah. I’m still praying for you each and every day. But the longing for you to hold me in my arms has ever since grown stronger and stronger. I pray that this desire wouldn’t be satisfied by a desire of lust towards just anyone but rather first and foremost God would remind me that he is my ultimate lover, followed by you. Will you be romantic and sweep me off my feet just like everybody does in cheesy disney movies ? Will you allow me to see the light like Rapunzel saw the light ? Will you dance with me romantically ? ( To waltzes just you and I ? ) I long for the day we can and I long for you patiently.